Kinda Sick of Sick

I think I've hit the wall on serial killers. The book I'm reading, dubbed not-put-downable by lots of critics, languishes on my night stand, very probably because I don't care any more how many ways there are to die screaming.

I have the same feeling I had as a much younger woman when I began to realize that I didn't want to wade through sex scenes, no longer cared how the author described the fitting together of male and female anatomies. Enough. I get it. I'll skip to where the story starts again. But thanks for trying, I guess.

Five Gold Rings: You Win

The last one is easy: relax and enjoy the day!

If you've followed instructions, you looked at your future, your past, your present, and your personality. (BTW:The 20 "I am" statements tend to start with stuff that anyone could have revealed about you, move to deeper stuff, and end with stuff you're afraid is true.) Now you should be ready to look forward with a realistic image of what you are and what you want.

Gold Ring Assignments: Getting Harder

Today's challenge isn't a question; it's a job.
List twenty statements about yourself that begin with "I am..."
Do it all in one sitting and don't let yourself stop until you've got twenty. (These probably should not be shared.)

Question 3 for Gold Rings

What one thing could you do today to make yourself a better person?

This one reminds me of the prayer somebody told me about: "Lord, you know I've been really good today. I haven't slandered anyone with gossip or been grumpy or hard to get along with. I haven't even given anyone a dirty look. My thoughts have been kind and my attitude toward my fellow human beings is positive and forgiving.

But it's almost 6:00 a.m. and I have to get out of bed now, so I'll need your help with the rest of the day!"

Second Gold Ring Question

Who in your life had the most influence on you as a reader/writer? I'm not talking about writers here, so don't say Shakespeare or John Irving. I mean who interested you in the printed word.

Aside from my teacher/reader/mother, I'd have to say our elementary school librarian, an elderly lady with the construction of a stork and a penchant for rococo jewelry. She read to us, and I couldn't wait to be able to devour those stories myself and not have to wait until next week to know the ending.

Five Gold Rings...Ba-Dump-Bump-Bump

(Muppet version.) With five days until Christmas and a need for effort-less blogs, I'm going to ask five questions, one per day. Answer here or in your head, whatever works.

Question #1: Where do you want to be five Christmases from now?

The Twist That Won't

I had a twist I wanted to add at the end of my WIP, but it was giving me trouble. I'd worked out most of it, but I wanted a delay in one plot event (a murder...what a surprise) that would create some irony and a more satisfying conclusion. I was ranting about it at the breakfast table, and my husband, who never reads my stuff or offers an opinion, listened, knowing it was important to me because I've hardly left my office for three days.

His comment? "You're making it too complicated." And after a ten-second scenario!

I was. I was trying too hard to be clever, when all I really need at that point in the story is what's already there. The irony is apparent; I was going a step too far, not trusting my readers to get it. Looking at it through the eyes of someone who has no (well, very little) stake in the plot outcome, I could see that.

Out of the mouths of non-mystery readers!

The Dreaded Read-Aloud Phase

...is over. I read the whole darned thing, which took days and days, a lot of water, and a lot of stopping to fix what my ears heard that my eyes didn't. (Funny how eyes don't hear a thing!)

It's one of the most valuable things a writer can do, and it's also boring. But how clearly those repetitive phrases pop out. How easily you spot a point where there's not an adequate segue. How plainly you see that a character would not use that vocabulary, that tone, that phrasing at that moment.

Downside: today is go-through-and-fix-all-those-spots day!

Casting Your Character

My upcoming book finaled in a contest once, and part of the last step was to suggest actors who might play the roles in the story. This was difficult for me because I don't know the names of any actors under the age of forty. In fact, I don't know the names of many actors still living. Luckily my children were able to help, and I came up with a girl reminiscent of young Elizabeth, Ron Howard's daughter. (You see, I have to put them into a generation I can identify with!)

It's a helpful device, and I do it a lot in my head to help me imagine how a character would react in a given situation: what his face would look like, how he would sound, and what he might say. It worked with my current villain, who for some time didn't want to show me his personality. Finding him was easier once I attached a real person to my imagined bad guy. Even if the real one would never poison his way up the ladder of success, I've seen him in many moods: angry, sly, ebullient, and conciliatory. It's just one step more to picture him deciding, like my old buddy Macbeth, to take "the nearest way" and get what he wants.

Seven Kinds of Stupid

My spouse is gone away for a week, so I'm doing a lot of channel surfing, reveling in the fact that I can. What I notice is that the commercials for whatever TV shows you watch reveal what kind of stupid the MADmen think you are. For example:

1.Sports-Apparently everyone who watches sports can only think of two things: Will my team win?" and "Can I get a bigger, meaner-looking truck than my neighbor?"

2.Game shows-Obviously a favorite of the idle and the aged, if you pay attention you will learn that you can cure anything with a pill. And if not, call Sam.

3.News shows (using the term lightly these days)-If one more thoughtful Mr. Average Citizen tells me that he's thinking differently about the Market these days, consulting a different kind of expert, I'll hurl. The experts are as confused as the rest of us; they just get paid to pretend they're not.

4.Women's programming (whatever that implies)-If you lose some weight, use that lipstick that makes your whole face look younger (where does one apply it, I ask), that mascara that makes your lashes fuller, long-longer-longest, and wear the shoes that firm your butt, you'll soon be starring in one of those made-for-TV-movies instead of watching them. Honest.

5.Crime drama reruns-If you're good you can jump from CSI (various) to NCIS to BONES to MONK all day long and never have to see the real world. But the ads reveal how shallow the advertisers believe your thinking is: "It's my money and I need it now!" and mops that sing "Love Stinks" don't speak highly of your intelligence.

6.Woo-woo prime time stuff-There's no such thing as going too far with these shows, and the ads imply that this Christmas, if your kid (or spouse or boss or BFF) wants it, you have to find it, buy it, and then stand back and admire it. Better yet, play along with the kid, maybe to some old Beatles tunes. They're sure to love it as much as you do. Your whole living room will be filled with family members belting out "Luv Me Do." Honest. Well, once, anyway.

7. Children's shows-Apparently our children only respond to screaming, strident voices telling them what they like, what they'll be wearing this year, and what outrageously expensive gadget they have to have to be popular.

Not only are we stupid enough to watch all these commercials, we let our children be indoctrinated, too. Remember when "pay TV" was initiated? The big selling point was that it was commercial free. Now we pay for TV and get more ads than ever, often four to six minutes at a time. Guess what? That's plenty long enough to use the bathroom, wash your hands, make a sandwich, and brew a cup of tea. Just don't fall in the kitchen unless you've got one of those handy little help-callers. You don't want to lie there groaning, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Reading Straight Through

I'm always flattered when a reader tells me he/she couldn't put one of my books down. It 's a high compliment to be told I caused a person to be so caught up in a story that he couldn't stop until the end. The best books, of course make us rather sad to get to that last page, but we rush ahead to it anyway, accepting the inevitable destination in exchange for the excitement of the journey.

I mentioned that I'm reading THE HOUSE AT RIVERTON by Kate Morton, and I was reluctant to put it down this morning and come to the computer. It almost feels as if I, as the reader, am holding these poor people up, making them wait to find out what happens in their lives. That's the spell a good writer weaves: readers feel their presence, their participation, is required.

Even when it isn't possible to read a book straight through, and for many of us it seldom is, the author has succeeded if the desire is there to put our own lives on hold while we "help" the characters sort theirs out.